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People like duckweed

 I met her at a dinner table ten years ago.


As a family of Beipiao who came out of Henan, she did not give up the pen in her hand while trying to survive, and finally broke into her own world in both career and literature. Obviously, the Henan Provincial Committee of the Communist Youth League has always paid attention to this special group who is concerned about the struggle outside, and has carried out key propaganda and reports on her as a typical youth figure. In the image of a literary youth, she went to Beijing to seek her dream with a mere 500 yuan in cash. She almost ran out of food and food, and lived on the streets. She was helpless when she met evil people, but she was also relieved to meet good-hearted people. But no matter how hard she suffered, she never put down her pen. During this period, she published a lot of essays in influential publications across the country, published two collections of essays, and joined the Chinese Writers Association.


Suffering in bitter water, literature is the object of her pouring out.


After dinner, she got out of her rented room and walked along the river. There was almost no one on the road, and she accidentally saw a dimly shining thing in the grass, which disturbed her mind for some reason. She had already walked past, but she turned back and picked up the thing that flashed her eyes in the grass. It turned out to be a mutilated tombstone. She looked at the remaining content on the monument again, and the owner of the tomb should be a male.


Out of respect for the deceased, by the sparsely-traveled river, he buried the stele in a panic, and then returned to the room where she rented alone, only to feel scared. She looked at the door that had just been closed, and in a blink of an eye, an old man in ragged clothes was sitting at her dining table. Could it be that the "person" in the tomb followed her back? She was horrified and bewildered. At this moment, a girl who rented a house opposite knocked on the door and came in to say that a friend was coming at night, and the girl wanted to come to her room for the night. One night, she looked at the door many times, maybe someone happened to be with her, and she absorbed a little bit of righteousness, and she never saw the old man again.


The next day, when she came back from dinner alone, sat on the bed and looked at the door again, and suddenly found that there was some fresh soil on the door, which was definitely not what she brought back. Could it be that the "man" in the tomb has come again? Sure enough, I saw the old man in the room again. She suddenly thought of her dead father. If his father was alive, he would be this age. Her mind was right, and the man was gone again. She immediately went out to buy incense candles, and when she came back, she cooked a few more dishes, lit the incense, put the dishes on the table, and put a pair of chopsticks on the opposite side, inviting him to sit down and eat. She whispered, "Are you having any trouble? But yin and yang are different. Eat, go where you should go when you're full." She seemed to be at home. Then, she put away the tableware and cleaned the room.


Since then, that "person" has never come.


two


I understand the reality of her life, and I have advised her many times to do her best and not be too reluctant. She is just an editor of a magazine in Beijing, floating in Beijing. Those who are looking for her only think that they only come to Beijing once in a while, and it is normal for them to see her and do something. But only once for them, many times for her. It's a big city in Beijing, and it's in the south and north of the city. Sometimes I see it, and it takes an hour or two to take the subway. She doesn't know how much she weighs? But in her blood is always the kindness of Wangwushan people: some of them come to Beijing once in their lifetime, and she may be their only acquaintance. For a meal, a little bit of the "landlord" friendship will make you feel at ease. The trade magazine she edits has a supplemental section, and she takes care of literature lovers in her hometown as much as she can.


When she buys the house in Jiyuan Yugang Garden, she needs to pay the house price in full. One day, she seemed very embarrassed to say that the house she bought had reached the deadline for payment, and that relatives who could borrow money, she made excuses, but it was not enough. The leaders and colleagues of the unit where Beijing works are very good. If she opens her mouth to borrow money, she should be able to borrow money, but she can't open her mouth. I happened to have some spare money on hand at the time, so I lent her the tens of thousands of dollars in the shortfall without hesitation. For a hard-working and sincere person like her, I don't need her to make an IOU, and I don't want her to promise a repayment time. There may be a few years in the middle, she said that her salary has been steadily improved by the unit, or it is because she is down-to-earth, hard-working, never complaining, and does a good job, but she does not take the initiative to ask for treatment, and she does not fight or grab it, but only her salary increases. fastest. The words are full of gratitude to the unit, and she said that she now has a house and her daughter has graduated from college. She is so happy.


She always remembered the matter of borrowing money from me, and she often talked about it: "You can pay tens of thousands of yuan this year. Are you in a hurry? If you are in a hurry, you will pay it back first, and if you are not in a hurry, you will pay back to others first." I Let her pay someone else's first, and then mine. Just in recent years, in several installments, she finally paid off my money. In this way, her house money will be completely paid off.


She said that she is debt-free and light. She sleeps at night now and wakes up laughing when she falls asleep.


three


That day was October 28, 2019.


In the morning, her brother sent a WeChat message to ask me to call. I was thinking, why do you want my phone number? WeChat is so convenient, but I still gave it to him. At about 2:30 in the afternoon, he called and said that he wanted to tell me some bad news, so that the literary friends would not be sad. His sister Zhang Yuanping is gone. I was stunned. He added that Yuanping may have been overtired and died suddenly. He is now in Beijing to deal with the funeral, and also said that he will return to Jiyuan in two days and hold a simple farewell ceremony at the funeral home.


too suddenly! I remember I talked to Li Wei about her a few days ago. In my spare time in the past few years, I have learned some knowledge of traditional Chinese medicine, and I usually ponder some things of "seeing, smelling, asking, and cutting". "God is called God", a person's health is often carried in his demeanor. I said she was too skinny, her skinny need to nourish her body—to work, to write, to run. Who would have guessed that the "crow's mouth" of me, a half-hearted "local Chinese medicine", was actually a prophecy. That year, during the National Day holiday, she came back to her hometown, saw her, and ate with some friends. It's hard to accept that it's been a goodbye in less than a month.


That night, at Zhengzhou Airport, I told Yong Gang, the vice chairman of the Municipal Writers Association, and Yong Gang passed the information to Secretary-General Aizhen. Aizhen asked me if the news was accurate, was it true? I couldn't tell the details, so I gave her the phone number of Yuanping's brother. She later confirmed that Yuan Ping's death was true, and told me when the farewell ceremony would be held at the funeral home, saying that she would inform some friends who knew her well in the Writers Association to attend. But I had booked a flight ticket a few days earlier and wanted to go out, so I regretfully told Aizhen: The day after tomorrow, I will not be in Jiyuan, so I can't go to Yuanping's farewell ceremony.


Yuanping should be Wangwushan (that is, "Wangwushan" of "Taihang Wangwu Ershan" mentioned in "The Foolish Old Man") who went out into the deep mountain area, and is one of the few people who have obtained the membership of the Chinese Writers Association. I met her 10 years ago, and I remember that Chairman Ge of the Municipal Writers Association called for a few people to have dinner together, saying that Yuan Ping had returned from Beijing. I know the name Yuanping, and I can see her articles from time to time in the local "Jiyuan Literature". Only after meeting did I realize that she was a lady, about my age, who didn't talk much, was shy, and even seemed a little timid.


At that time, we recognized fellow villagers, and we were all from Wangwu Town. I like literature in my bones, but I have been suppressing my hobbies and hobbies all these years, and I lost my waist for five buckets of rice. Professionally, study hard, uphold the concept of life-long learning, keep taking exams, and accumulate literacy for the professional; in work, be honest, work hard for the so-called career, and have no time to care for others. Suddenly one day, I felt that I had no direction to strive for, my degree was over, my professional title was over, and my career was not satisfactory... Maybe it was time to realize my literary dream. In this way, at an annual meeting of the CPPCC, I met the chairman of the Writers Association who was also a member of the CPPCC, and he led me into the literary circle of Jiyuan. Later, I met Yuan Ping, read her prose, and chatted with her about literature. It can also be said that she taught me to gradually understand literature, especially prose.


Now, she has died suddenly, and she has just reached middle age. She has suffered so much in her life. First she was divorced, then she was a "beijing drifter". She even lived on the streets during this period. She endured untold hardships. , what a miserable life! At that time, there were a few small poems in my heart. I wanted to send it to a circle of friends or a certain group, but I thought about it. I felt that the current small circle is a bit complicated, so let her have a clear ear.


After Li Wei heard the bad news, he contacted Yuanping's daughter at that time. On the phone, her daughter Zhihua only said that in Beijing, her mother was seriously ill, and her tone was sad. Li Wei told me about the call, saying that since I couldn't send Yuanping for the last trip, I should wait until after the event and visit Zhihua on another day, which is also a little relief for her only daughter. Think about it, that's all.


When Ping came back from the National Day Festival last year, when several people met, she also said that her daughter had found a partner. The families of the two sides met with each other, discussed her daughter's marriage, and decided to do her daughter's marriage as soon as possible, which was considered a major event in her life. . Unexpectedly, the words were still in their ears, and they were separated by yin and yang. Even if she lived to finish her daughter's marriage before leaving, it would still be a mother's wish. But in just this one year, Lord Yan has not been accommodating. Is it true that people have life? On the bus to the airport that day, my thoughts were always on Yuanping. I don't want to, I think too much, tears in my eyes. A big man, afraid of being laughed at by the people in the car, held back his tears and thought about some of the past since he met Yuan Ping along the way.


Four


Zhang Yuanping is really a woman without luck.


Later, her salary was gradually increased. She owns her own house; her only daughter graduates college and is employed. The daughter also found a desirable partner, and recently the families of both parties met, ate dinner together, and determined the wedding date. Beautiful things are coming to her one by one, and a beautiful life is slowly opening like a beautiful picture, but why is she so unlucky? She died in such a hurry.


Once, when she came back to her hometown, Mr. Ke Qing wanted to publish a book and wanted her to check it out. She asked me, Li Wei and a few others to go together. In Teacher Keqing's calligraphy room, we worked together with Yonggang, scholars and others to basically finalize the title, content and chapters of the book, and then we went to dinner together. She still doesn't drink alcohol, she is shy and submissive, and she swept away the sharp and eloquent words she had spoken when she decided on the title of the book just now. That day, Mr. Keqing seemed to have conceited a promise after drinking that he could give Yuanping a few pieces of his calligraphy, and others would be free to open their mouths without paying. Come to think of it, Yuanping is really an unlucky person. Teacher Keqing's calligraphy works are usually sold for money, and the free calligraphy works have not been obtained yet. Why did she die in such a hurry.


One year, she had a problem on her mind. She struggled for a long time and couldn't find a suitable person to discuss it, so she wanted me to help her make up her mind. It is said that there is a unit of the same type that wants to poach her, and she is more anxious, and the treatment is much higher than that of the current unit. As a self-proclaimed Ph.D. in management, I can make a model to weigh the so-called strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and challenges, etc., and try to clarify the many benefits that this choice means to her at her fingertips. Scientific analysis is rational and sometimes impersonal. Maybe she has always been more human than interests. My preaching has made her sober. She doesn't seem to need anyone to analyze it. She said that after thinking about it, we only think about interests. Now this unit, Yu She accepted her when she was suffering the most. She has been working in this unit until now, and the unit treated her well. How could she be ungrateful. She was ashamed of her thoughts of betrayal. In fact, in the workplace, people go to high places, or there is no need to tie themselves to the moral cross. But she made up her mind. Alas, Yuan Ping is really an unlucky person. With her true ability, she has not yet received higher treatment, so why did she die in such a hurry.


Yuan Ping is dead, this is a fact. After she died, Li Wei and other Wen friends kept talking about it, wanting to go to her house with a few close friends to see her daughter Zhihua and see if there was anything in need of help. But it was always a coincidence that either of us had something to do, or Zhihua was not at home, so it was pushed to the Spring Festival. When I met Zhihua, I didn't want to bring up sad things, but as I was talking, the topic came to Yuanping's sudden death. After her mother's funeral, Zhihua seemed to have grown up all at once. She recalled some details before and after her mother's death. For example, she couldn't contact her mother for a few days, so she asked colleagues from her mother's unit to go to the rented room and forcibly opened it. The door, people are already out of breath. Yuan Ping has to travel dozens of times a year, because she is alone in Beijing, and almost all the work on business trips is "contracted" to her. Although she has travel subsidies, she still has to write manuscripts and rush to work when she returns from business trips. I still have to write articles myself, which is very energy-intensive. Over time, overloaded work, and the body may slowly lose money. Yuanping's unit is very benevolent and righteous. Zhihua said that her uncle thought that if the original unit did not give a reasonable explanation, she would not give up, but from beginning to end, the unit's leaders and colleagues who handled the matter were very thoughtful, and people had to be reasonable. Well, and her mother was always well-received in the work unit before her death, so she couldn't die, but her relatives ruined her reputation. When she came back for the burial, Zhihua said that she was determined to buy a cemetery for her mother. Her mother was divorced, and she couldn't let her die without a place to go. Due to her mother's funeral, she discussed with her partner about the originally scheduled marriage time, but postponed it...


Alas, Yuan Ping is really not lucky. But think about it, it's not necessarily true. She has also met many good people in the world and enjoyed the happiness she can enjoy.


Thinking of my communication with Yuanping, it can be said that it is a very simple communication between literati, that is, a common literary hobby, light as water, but sincere. She was only in her forties, so young, how could she suddenly die? Every time I think about it, I still feel that it is unreal, and there is a dreamlike feeling.


On the day I got the news, on the airport bus, I thought that life is like a message, and people are like duckweed. Yuanping is a duckweed that has been floating in the world. It has no roots, no support, and wanders away. I held back my tears and wrote a few short poems for her in the memo on my mobile phone. I'll give her today: "Duckweed/broken roots//Have you floated Sansheng Stone/Have you drunk Meng Po soup? //Forget the suffering in this life/It will be no longer suffering in the next life..."


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