Don’t abuse the "criticism" with your children

 　　Based on experience, I came to the conclusion that "reason with my son before he is three years old". When he was still a ball of glutinous rice, he did not run and jump, had low mobility, did not learn to speak, and could not say a few rebuttals. During the golden age, hurry up to "preach." When Little Head gets enlightened after going to school, it will be difficult to teach him the truth.

　　After my son went to elementary school, I changed my strategy and switched to the "criticism method"—not criticizing him, but criticizing people and things around him, in order to inspire him. Criticism oozes useful suggestions for him to digest.

　　The first time I tasted the sweetness, it was a classmate of his kindergarten who came to our house to play, and the maid did not say "thank you" to him for snacks and did not say "bye bye" when he left. When I took a bath with my son in the evening, I talked about the classmate, "He looks cute, but he is not very polite. He answers people when he enters the house, but he didn’t say hello to me and would not thank the maid. If he can learn these politeness, he More cute." After

　　a while, the cute boy came to our house for a snack again. As soon as he entered the door, he smiled and greeted him, calling "Auntie". After receiving the snack, he would say "Thank you". Before returning home, he would come and talk to me. I said "I'm going home, goodbye." After he left, I praised him for being polite, and my son said proudly, "I taught him. Tell him to learn how to be polite, so I will invite him to play more. The

　　"criticism method" worked, and it has been regarded as a good way to teach children for many years, but when the son was in the fourth grade, the negative effect appeared. The school stipulates that during each semester, parents should go to the school to meet the head teacher and communicate with each other from home to school. The class teacher’s comment to his son was that in class he frequently talked to his classmates secretly, and the teacher shut up when asking questions, and did not enthusiastically raise his hands to answer. He asked the teacher to name him to answer before he spoke. The answer was very good every time. It means that he doesn't understand, or he refuses to take the initiative to answer.

　　The teacher said that he was willing to help his classmates and was polite to the teacher, but during group discussions, he mostly shut up and didn't talk, but he didn't talk. He only asked the teacher to point him out before he was willing to speak, and he always had a good argument. The teacher said that the child is too passive and introverted. If it is not improved, his academic performance will be greatly affected. Especially in the international school system, students’ discussion and expression of opinions and opinions are emphasized. In the long run, it will be bad for him to enter the university in the future Influence, because famous universities tend to admit students who have the courage to speak and have high expressive skills.

　　I relayed the teacher's words to my son, Chen Yili, asked him to improve, and encouraged him not to be shy. Like other students, he boldly expressed his opinions, but the situation did not improve. After many observations, I found that my son actually has a lot of ideas and opinions. When he gets along with classmates, tuition teachers or cousins, he is very talkative. Attending social events, he was calm and composed when facing a large group of people, and he did not seem to have social barriers. Where is the crux? This mystery was not solved until middle school.

　　When I go to middle school, I need to meet not only the head teacher, but also the teacher in each subject. My son is studying ten subjects, and he has to meet ten teachers who are responsible. Almost all ten teachers comment on his son: lazy Yu expressed his opinion.

　　In the past few years, under constant encouragement and coercion, the situation has not improved. I don't know where the crux is, it is really difficult to prescribe the right medicine. Until one time, I repeated the old tricks and educate him by criticizing others. He in turn taught me: "Mom, I think I can only criticize others. It's too negative. I only see what others are wrong, but don't appreciate them. The strengths of

　　him ." I drank my head and understood that it was the "criticism" he used that prevented him from expressing his opinions and gave him a shadow. He was afraid of making mistakes, afraid that someone would criticize him in front of others, and speaking less can reduce the chance of making mistakes. He chose a negative method to deal with mistakes and criticism.

　　I immediately agreed with him: "Your words reminded me, just as my mother often sees your strengths and is afraid to praise you, you will be proud, so just magnify your shortcomings and remind you to correct them. Since you feel this way, mother He will pay more attention." It

　　is pressure that helps him get out of the "criticism method". Pressure does not necessarily bring about negative effects. Using it properly is a great driving force. Faced with the pressure of entering his favorite university, he understands that he must Change the passive and introverted personality, although it is slow, there is finally progress.

　　Another boost comes from love. The girlfriend he made when he was in Class 12 is a leader of the school and the chairman of the student union. He is lively, enthusiastic, frank and independent, and has a positive influence on his son. When she ran for the president of the Student Union, she competed with the other three, and each formed a "cabinet" campaign. Her son served as the treasurer and participated in canvassing votes. She designed the team's emblem and printed it on the T-shirt. Since then, he has warmed up, not just at home. When he talked more, the teacher no longer complained that he was introverted.

　　The abuse of "criticism" almost caused a defect in his son's personality, and he was really sweating.