Which love partner did you meet? What is thinking in the lover's heart? How to deal with him... These puzzles are like the Da Vinci code, which must always haunt you in love. Starting in 2021, your new girlfriend "Bright Eyes to Know People" column will accompany you to teach you how to recognize people. A lecture every month will help you become a master of love and marriage.
Some time ago, the news that a certain wealthy son "kneeled and licked" the internet celebrity was unwilling to tear up the news, which shocked many netizens: How could the noble son, who is in this way, also be so humble to please others?
But with the development of the situation, we have discovered another layer of truth: sometimes, those so-called "likes" and "please" seem to be just to control the other party or achieve a certain purpose of oneself.
A netizen opened a post about her own experience. She has a target and she usually pleases her in various ways: invite her to dinner, chat with her, and even if she is angry or emotional, she will just smile and talk softly. On the day of "5·20", the man took the initiative to send her a red envelope to show her love and invite her to dinner. She also happily agreed, but she did not expect to be pulled directly to the hotel entrance after she was full of food and drink. Seeing the straight eyes of the man who wanted to invite her to spend a good night, the girl felt puzzled. Why did she get to this point?
But the man is even more puzzled: "I have been responsive to you for a month, and I have to please you, and you have received the red envelope. Isn't it possible to make this step?" The girl almost vomited blood: "Big brother, you are willing to treat me well. , Do I have to give back with my body?”
This is the typical performance of a "pleasant" type straight man in love: if you pay, you must have a corresponding return. Love is a transaction of one thing for one thing, and it must be balanced. Otherwise, turn your face.
There is also a kind of "to please", which is actually to cover up inferiority. Zhang Ting is the kind of beautiful girl who walks down the street with a high rate of turning heads, but her boyfriend Tang Qi is short and plain. Tang Qi’s family is very wealthy. He felt that he must cherish such a beautiful girl, so he took her to consume Cartier today and the International Trade Buffet tomorrow. However, after being spoiled as a princess for a while, Zhang Ting still feels a bit boring. She likes confident men. Although Tang Qi has met her material needs, she feels that he is inferior in his bones. I want her to look at him high.
Zhang Ting's friend Lin Na also has a similar bitterness, and the boy she is currently acquainted with is simply "Mr. Vinono" in capitals. When going out to order food, he never had his own opinion, "listen to you", "you can arrange it"; when conflicts arise, he always apologizes, and sometimes Linna feels that he is too much, and he also looks like aggrieved. , But even if he can't explain it, he also refuses other in-depth exchanges. Look, people who like to please others don't necessarily get the phrase "you are so nice".
So when facing a relationship, how do we distinguish the other party's kindness and harmlessness? Which kind of courtesy is full of purpose, and even implies various problems?
If he likes to buy gifts to please you, but he doesn’t ask for it in return; he will ask for your opinion on many things, but he also has his own opinion and is willing to make his own decisions; he loves you, but he is also very principled, breaking the law and discipline, Never do things that touch the bottom line; he can take care of himself while taking care of you, and he won’t be overly wronged or sacrifice his feelings in exchange for your happiness... In short, he makes you happy, it must be Based on your own comfort, there is no problem with such "pleasing".
But if his "pleasure" has the following symptoms, you need to be vigilant:
1. He is afraid to say his inner thoughts. When he is together, he is afraid that he will be dismissed by you if he speaks his own thoughts. He is worried that he will not be accepted by you, and he is even more afraid of your doubts and denials, so he simply chooses to shut up.
2. He likes to take the initiative to apologize for everything. A moderately active apology is of course a virtue, but everything is true, he is actually suppressing his feelings. Such an apology is not sincere, but a kind of flattery.
3. He always caters deliberately, but doesn't know how to refuse. He is always worried that you are upset, but forgets his emotions. Because I want to accompany you, I gave up what I like. He cares about how he looks in your eyes, so he must deliberately cater to it. He himself is also under tremendous psychological pressure invisibly.
4. He is reluctant to please. He does spend time, energy, and money for the relationship, but wherever he wants to be, he will use his "graciousness" as a bargaining chip, asking you to meet his needs, or overemphasizing his efforts, making you feel guilty and treat him Words follow the plan. His "pleasure" is not to make you happy, but to please himself.
Some are pleased, healthy and comfortable; some are pleased, harm others and self. I hope that when your one comes to you, he holds flowers and the smile on his face comes from the bottom of my heart.